After weeks of relative calm, Alex's illness remind us that it's still there. One call at work telling me that she wanted to move to her friend's apartment took me by surprise, I said let me call you back and we'll talk about it. Later in the day I got 4 or 5 text messages from Jeff saying that housing was kicking her out of the University apartments, they were at the door knocking while she was inside crying and hysterical in the phone with him, he talked to the housing people and explained that he suffers from a mental disorder, it seems that she forgot to apply for summer school. They let her stay and signed the contract. The next day she received a note from the University, there is a chance that she will be suspended, according to her version it was "just because I took care of my friend's cats for 3 days". I explained to my 21 year old daughter about rules and how they work... again like when she was 4, "it's not a big deal, I've seen people doing worse stuff and they don't get suspended"... "Alex, it's the principle" I said since I knew she got in trouble before for having a rat in her room. She thinks that if she gets suspended from school her world will end and nothing else will matter. I can feel her pain because I know how much she wants to graduate, also I know how much she loves animals and how lonely she must feel being alone in that apartment and actually, the whole building. College campus are ghost towns during the summer. I said that I could go get her this weekend and come home, she told me that she wants to stay and get a job and she actually had a job interview yesterday, she feels that it went really well.
Wow. That's a lot to be dealing with. I'm curious---just as a thought... if your daughter couldn't change and the situation with her couldn't change, but you COULD change something else (e.g. more government support, more close social support for you, more public awareness/education about mental illness, people being more understanding) what thing(s)would you most want to change and what would make things easier (overall) for you? Just so that people have a better idea about what they might do to make things easier for people with similar scenarios... Thanks.
ReplyDeleteYou are absolutely right, I need to work in what I can change and I'm trying but I struggle :) Every Monday I tell myself I will go to the NAMI class and every Tuesday I'm sure that I'm going to Al-anon but I don't. Just before reading your comment this morning I was thinking about having a plan and following thru. Today I will attend the Al-anon group, thank you for your comment~
ReplyDeleteBetty,
DeleteI'm glad that comment helped you.
BUT I don't think you got the meaning of it.
And I REALLY don't want you to think I was judging you in any way. Because I promise I wasn't :)
I'm glad you took the comment to have some meaning to you, but this is what I was really asking:
I was thinking more about how difficult it must be for you, and I'm sure you are doing what you can, and of course you are going to have days where you just don't feel like doing certain things.
What I want to know is this:
What could OTHER people (or the government, for example), do for you that would make life easier for you? [I'm trying to ask you this because if I see people in similar positions to yours, I want to know how I can be helpful with others, even if it's in the future]. Because you can't do it all on your own---you need friends and people to support you, or government programs.
So my real question is this: is there anything you can think of where you can say "If I only had _______, my life would be easier". I'm sure money would make it easier, but maybe it would also be easier if there were more government programs to help you. Or social support networks that could help you. Or educational programs. Or maybe you think it would just be easier if people were less judgmental, or more understanding, and helped out more. Or maybe there's something else which you feel would make your life somewhat easier.
I'm just curious, because I can honestly see how difficult it must be for you, and you have a lot of struggles do deal with. Maybe understanding your point of view would make it easier for some of the people reading to have a little more insight into how to help people in similar situations.
I hope that's clear :)
Thanks for your response! Take good care of yourself!
Every time I go to a support group I feel much better and I have the opportunity to learn one little thing more about mental disorders one day at the time. I wish I could have access to my Alex's information when I call the school or the doctor but since she is almost 22 they won't allow it even thou she is considered disabled. I wish the healthcare system was more helpful... I pay for her medical insurance but they won't cover the ambulance or ER from the last episode and more likely she will loose the insurance next semester and I have no idea what's going to happen at this time. You are right it is a struggle but I'm trying to stay in one piece and keep the family together... it is very difficult to ask them to understand what's happening to her, also is very painful. Thank you for trying to understand :)
ReplyDelete