The girls are here for spring break but this weekend is not what I expected. It's been raining and I wasn't able to ride my bike and that stresses me out but the real downer is that Alex has been acting up. She wants to leave with friends to spend the last days of spring break with friends... with no-good-news-friends but she needs money and I said NO sorry I don't have any money... of course she got upset and we know how that goes. I was hoping that she will have a moment of clarity so I could talk to her and explain why I thought that was not a good idea. I went to my room to take a shower but not after I opened my "Courage to Change" book and prayed. After a few minutes she went to her room and texted me, we exchanged few messages while I was thinking to go to her room and talk to her in person but seemed that it was the only way she "listened" to me... and it worked. We decided to go ahead and have a good time together, just the three of us. Her, Banana and me. We had a good time after all. I tried my best to reach to her and I saw a lot of anger, desperation and jealousy. My hear breaks and once again I tried to tell her that life is too short and she will better off letting go of those bad feelings. I tried to tell her she is better when she takes her meds, I tried to tell her that one day I won't be here to look after her and I love her more than anything else but I can't approve or enable inappropriate behavior. I tried a lot today and sometimes things just get more difficult than others but it is what it is and I'm learning to live this way just one day at the time.
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