A new life

My last post was about Eddie's accident, that was April 2014. Today is December, same year. After being miserable in my relationship for the last couple of years I decided to come back home. My fiancé  reluctantly agreed and it was a painful process. It's been 2 months and I feel happier and healthier. Alex graduated from college :) she is my hero for her determination. There was a point that we thought she would needed to be disabled , unable to go to school or work, now I look back and I see how wrong I was. Besides that she graduated, she took and insternenship at Disney, she's been gone for almost 6 months now. Amazing how thigs worked out after feeling that there was never going to be a resolution of our situation. Now I'm back home living on a empty house with 3 dogs. Banana graduated as well and she stayed at the same college for grad school. I hope I can see them soon. It gets lonely sometimes. Cheers to new beginnings, God bless.

Life goes on

We lost a fellow cyclist a few days ago. He was hit by a truck while riding his bicycle during the early morning ride, a ride that my friends and I started doing a few years back home, the place that I call home and keep close to my heart, the place I want to go back to one day. Eddie was like nobody else, I saw him around a couple of times but saw many pictures of him. The pictures were full of life and captured his true nature. He was fun, hilarious fun. He was young father and a husband, a great friend. His body landed in the bed of the pickup that hit him and they took him away, they were trying to get rid of the body so the police found out later. My close friends who knew him better were devastated, I ache for them and for their terrible loss. Multiple histories, pictures and videos were posted and tears of honest pain ran down my face. I wish I had a chance to know him better. A crowded memorial and many rides were done in his name. I pray for resignation and peace for those who loved him. Even Alex sent me a text message asking me to be careful, that she didn't know what she would do if I get hit by a car. I told her that I was fine and that everything was going to be alright; thanks God she started taking her medication again... she seems to be doing better. Banana will graduate next month from college and mom will come to be there. I can't wait, I'm glad mom is coming and will be able to see her granddaughter's graduation. Things keep moving one way or another sometimes like this... painful and a little harder but this is life and it goes on, we choose to move forward focusing in the good things that make this ride worth it.

See you on the road...

Alex's birthday

Alex turned 23 two days ago and she had a party... for herself. Again those well known chills running down my spine came to visit me one more time.

Are you taking your meds Alex?  I asked.
The answer: No.
I asked ...why?
Because I can't see the doctor at the University, they said I needed long term treatment.
But Alex you know you can't be without your meds... remember what happens.
I know, I know mom... I've called two time already trying to find a doctor.
Alex, please (I begged) please you know that this is a priority.
I know mom.

Of course she knows... she had a party, she hired a DJ and posted in facebook all about it.
Banana as always just worrying about me because I worry about Alex. My mom is not doing too good, her heart is acting up; Jeff is not doing too good either and he doesn't even realize it. Sometimes things are just too much. I started reading the Al-anon book again and I'm going back to the meetings or probably to some type of meditation as requested by the nutritionist that I went to see this week. Obviously she was able to see something is not quite right and probably my anxiety is part of the reason why I eat more than I should and probably the reason of the inflammation of my joints.

I decided that I'm taking a trip to the place I consider my home. I will go and visit my dear friends and attempt to complete the last 100 miles bike ride of the year. I got my plane ticket, it is going to be fun.
Yesterday I rode 70 hilly windy miles as a training, it was hard but this helps me to focus in something other that all the drama. Today I rode another 30.  I am moving forward, I can't get stuck in the same place. I need to move forward.

Completing the Aquabike with a beautiful mind

Even thou I think I was not well prepared for my Aquabike on September the 7th, I did a good job. I did 45 minutes on the 1.2 mile swim and averaged 16.5 mph on the 50 mile bike ride better than 2 years ago when I did the half iron distance. I have plenty of excuses of why I didn't train properly... change of jobs, the traveling, Alex going back to school, sure why not? the weather, etc. The reality is... it DOES NOT matter. I did it, I completed it even with all my limitations (age, weight, health, etc). I freaking did it again. Just like in April when I completed 172 miles in the MS150 or the half iron two years ago. I don't have a trainer or a nutritionist, I can't afford it and I'm ok with it, it makes it more challenging for me and I am up for it.

Work has been challenging as well, I am in a very difficult spot and I just roll with the punches. I have a feeling that things are going to work out at the end, at least for me. Alex got back to school and I pray that she is able to handle the stress this time. She is so close to graduate, I really admire her for being persistent. According to her, she is taking her meds and going to the doctor.

On Saturday after my bike ride I went to the bike shop where this gorgeous Cervelo R3 bike looked at me and told me "take me home", yup. I did it. I took her home, the sense of guilt is wearing off after riding her today. This baby was much more gentle in my achy hands and joints due to little arthritis here and there.

Sometimes I wonder why I do it even when I'm in pain and I think I finally got a response while reading the book "Born to Run", the author talks about the Tarahumara Indians from Mexico and how running is their only mode of transportation, There is a part in the book about this young woman that finds peace when she runs long distances. It is the only time where she can relax and her mind is quiet. I strongly relate to that. I always said that when I swim I get into this quiet mode and it is like I can talk to God. When I was riding during the Aquabike I was actually talking to myself. After a good workout I can sleep at night. Maybe that's why I do it and maybe doing the races is just a way to have a goal... who knows? but I think it works out for me. It has kept me sane that's for sure. It helps me slow down my racy beautiful mind in despite of everything that happens around me.

No news in a while

Strangely, we haven't heard from Alex in a while. She is still away working, recently she had a promotion and she is going back to college. No news is good news... I guess. Then why am I bothered by it? maybe because I tried to call her several times and she only replies with a text message reading "work". I always try to be positive and hope for the best so I only try to call back again and again. I want to ask her is she is taking her medications, if she is doing ok. The sad thing about this is that she used to call all the time but because she needed money and we ended up not helping her any more; I felt that it was time for her to figure out how things work. I hope I made the right decision. I've been pretty busy myself, having job interviews to try and move away from the unhealthy work environment where I currently am. I finally got an offer and I will start working on my new job in less than 2 weeks. This will be the first time I'm going to work for a big company and I'll have complete benefits, a professional environment, a great tittle. I am so looking forward to this new chapter of my life but there is a lot of thing that I know I'm going to miss, like my friends or wearing jeans at work but overall, I think this chance will be good for me.

I got very excited when I heard I was getting the job offer that I went and signed in for an Aquabike in September. This is a 1.2 mile swim and a 56 mile bike ride race. This goal forces me to get up and train. I call myself a "chunky triathlete" or a "wanna be" mainly because I am not as committed as a lot of my triathlete friends but I also know that I do more than the average people out there. When I did my half Ironman distance a couple of years ago, I was the very last one; kind of embarrassing (you never want to be the last one) but someone told me that I beat all the ones that didn't try or didn't make it to the race, everyone else that stayed at home sitting in front of the TV so now I'm calling myself just a triathlete, no name calling. Cheers~

Me and my friend Gordon Haller (he won the first ever Ironman Triathlon in 1978)

Scary thoughts

I can't seem to be able to get out of this state of fear. It's either my mother and her heart condition, my job, Alex acting up again or Jeff's health. Mother hasn't been the same since my dad passed away, she was told that her heart is too big for her chest and it seems she is trying to accomplish more thanks she can in the shortest amount of time, she left to Cancun last week and basically she can't really do too much because she gets too tired. We all know is just a matter of time before she gets more sick but something that I know about my mom is that she is and always will be a warrior, as Alex said it once "not even silver bullets will take that woman down". Jeff hasn't been healthy in a while and she spends too much time either working or watching TV. I know he's been to several doctor appointments but he won't share too much of that with me, he thinks that I worry too much. Alex and her illness will never going to end. She is having financial problems now and she expects us to bail her out... again. It seems that I can't find the strength and the patience to deal with this all over again. I took time to read a few blogs that I follow to help me put things into perspective but it seems that this time, perspective came from one of my close friends. He is facing a battle that he had won over back in 2006 and now he needs to pull himself together all over again, dig deep down and beat it one more time. This made me think about how precious, unexpected and short life is. My life has been anything but easy and I refuse to be angry at the world, I choose to look for the good of things and be happy even though those scary thoughts haunt me and still linger around in my mind. I wish for my dear friend to stay strong, I want for my daughter to be happy and I pray for my mom's and Jeff's health. I wish I can ride my bike for many many more years. Cheers and see you on the road.

All about perception.

It's been a while since the last time I wrote. Things are moving fast but everything has been good so far.... Xmas came and left  and somehow the bad stuff seem so far away that it is hard to think that happened at all. Alex keeps working full time and has taken a break from school (another one), she has problems with her finances but seems to be doing better. She has been dating Corey for a year now, I think this is the longest relationship that she's had, I still feel that he is too young for her but only time will tell. She had a rough past week, unfortunately she ran out of medications and had a manic episode. I feel the chills running down my back when that happens. I try to help her focus and stay calm and the again the questions pops out... what is she going to do when I'm not longer here? I hope I can help her prepare for that moment.

I still miss my dad and some days I miss him even more. My faith is tested and I wonder  if I'm ever going to see him again. I want to talk to him, I want him to tell me what he thinks and feels. A few days ago I was thinking that I was glad he didn't have to witness my sister's separation of her husband because I feel that she is acting erratic but who am I to judge? As I told my mom, I'm going to focus in what I can control, in whatever it's in my hands or I'm going to go crazy.

Banana keeps doing an excellent job at school, she is getting ready to come in a couple of weeks for spring break. Jeff is excited about going to bring her home. He enjoys those road trips and banana likes hanging up with him.

Jeff and I went to New Orleans for vacation last month, I wish I could say I enjoyed it but there is a sadness lingering in that place. It smells like mental illness and substance abuse, I felt a little lost but I still got a couple of good pics of the Mississippi River.

Today I woke up sick but I still went to do my bike ride. I was feeling sorry for myself because of this dang cold I got, I dared to think that I was being brave for riding in this condition and also because of the awful cold weather, silly me. My friend Kathy was there as always with her big smile, ready to ride... I think she is around 70 years old and she is battling leukemia.... How's that for brave? Once again, it's all about perception and how you react to things.