Life goes on

We lost a fellow cyclist a few days ago. He was hit by a truck while riding his bicycle during the early morning ride, a ride that my friends and I started doing a few years back home, the place that I call home and keep close to my heart, the place I want to go back to one day. Eddie was like nobody else, I saw him around a couple of times but saw many pictures of him. The pictures were full of life and captured his true nature. He was fun, hilarious fun. He was young father and a husband, a great friend. His body landed in the bed of the pickup that hit him and they took him away, they were trying to get rid of the body so the police found out later. My close friends who knew him better were devastated, I ache for them and for their terrible loss. Multiple histories, pictures and videos were posted and tears of honest pain ran down my face. I wish I had a chance to know him better. A crowded memorial and many rides were done in his name. I pray for resignation and peace for those who loved him. Even Alex sent me a text message asking me to be careful, that she didn't know what she would do if I get hit by a car. I told her that I was fine and that everything was going to be alright; thanks God she started taking her medication again... she seems to be doing better. Banana will graduate next month from college and mom will come to be there. I can't wait, I'm glad mom is coming and will be able to see her granddaughter's graduation. Things keep moving one way or another sometimes like this... painful and a little harder but this is life and it goes on, we choose to move forward focusing in the good things that make this ride worth it.

See you on the road...

Alex's birthday

Alex turned 23 two days ago and she had a party... for herself. Again those well known chills running down my spine came to visit me one more time.

Are you taking your meds Alex?  I asked.
The answer: No.
I asked ...why?
Because I can't see the doctor at the University, they said I needed long term treatment.
But Alex you know you can't be without your meds... remember what happens.
I know, I know mom... I've called two time already trying to find a doctor.
Alex, please (I begged) please you know that this is a priority.
I know mom.

Of course she knows... she had a party, she hired a DJ and posted in facebook all about it.
Banana as always just worrying about me because I worry about Alex. My mom is not doing too good, her heart is acting up; Jeff is not doing too good either and he doesn't even realize it. Sometimes things are just too much. I started reading the Al-anon book again and I'm going back to the meetings or probably to some type of meditation as requested by the nutritionist that I went to see this week. Obviously she was able to see something is not quite right and probably my anxiety is part of the reason why I eat more than I should and probably the reason of the inflammation of my joints.

I decided that I'm taking a trip to the place I consider my home. I will go and visit my dear friends and attempt to complete the last 100 miles bike ride of the year. I got my plane ticket, it is going to be fun.
Yesterday I rode 70 hilly windy miles as a training, it was hard but this helps me to focus in something other that all the drama. Today I rode another 30.  I am moving forward, I can't get stuck in the same place. I need to move forward.

Finally a diagnose

Yesterday was a milestone. If I'd heard that my daughter was bipolar 2 years ago I'd be devastated, but listening to this yesterday was great news after wondering for over a year what's wrong with her and receiving so much information and opinions from different doctors, therapists and counselors and also taking all kind of meds for all kind of mental disorders... they call them "cocktails", they are only different combinations of medications until supposedly they find the right one.

She finally took a formal test (this after missing the test date a couple of times) that could properly diagnose her. Her text message says that she has generalize anxiety and PTSD, no ADHD or BPD but she has a permanent disability, she said that she is actually bipolar. In my personal opinion, this disorder is manageable and she has a big chance to live a long beautiful life (that was my response to her in my text message when I replied) I was filled with joy that I was able to finally put a name to her issues. I was relieved! One of the doctors diagnosed her BPD, I know that the BPD's have a high suicide rate and I was horrified all the time to think that I could loose her because of this, there is no medication, Alex even mentioned one time that this was the worst of all the mental disorders. Now I know that she can control her illness with medication. I was crying of happiness and I thanked God for this. After that I went to my bike ride with Banana and even I had 2 flats... I can tell you that yesterday was a great day!

There is always the next ride

I went to the NAMI class on Monday and oh boy... it is still much more that I can handle. It is a lot of information. Class 6 was about Medications. It is not only too complicated but it is hard for my mind to understand that a mental ill person needs medication, maybe it is a cultural thing... back home there isn't a name for every brain disorder, we will usually say the the person is either "sick of the nerves" or crazy. This is the main reason I felt so guilty when Alex went to the hospital for the first time and I had to start learning more about this kind of stuff which by the way, I've always said that this is the kind of things that happens to other people, not to me, not to my family... but here we are. Anyways, I'm keeping an open mind. I try to learn and follow as much as I can. I called Alex and asked her what she was taking now after she stopped taking the Lithium, she gave me the names and looked it up... oh joy.

On Tuesday one of my dogs (Rocky) had to have his little eye removed and I missed my Al-anon meeting. Everything went very well with Rocky; he just needs a lot of attention so I'm sleeping with him on another room so the other two dogs won't bother him and also I can assist him changing position because he is in a lot of pain and wearing a cone. The poor thing :) At work there were a couple of emergencies and we've been short handed, much more than usual and I feel tired. I decided I can't ride tonight, not only because I'm tired but because I need to take care of Rocky and help Jeff with the other two dogs since they are very needy and have anxiety for being separated from Rocky :). I will ride my bike on Saturday and Sunday, the weather forecast looks awesome. Like I always say..."There is always the next ride"...