Alex's birthday

Alex turned 23 two days ago and she had a party... for herself. Again those well known chills running down my spine came to visit me one more time.

Are you taking your meds Alex?  I asked.
The answer: No.
I asked ...why?
Because I can't see the doctor at the University, they said I needed long term treatment.
But Alex you know you can't be without your meds... remember what happens.
I know, I know mom... I've called two time already trying to find a doctor.
Alex, please (I begged) please you know that this is a priority.
I know mom.

Of course she knows... she had a party, she hired a DJ and posted in facebook all about it.
Banana as always just worrying about me because I worry about Alex. My mom is not doing too good, her heart is acting up; Jeff is not doing too good either and he doesn't even realize it. Sometimes things are just too much. I started reading the Al-anon book again and I'm going back to the meetings or probably to some type of meditation as requested by the nutritionist that I went to see this week. Obviously she was able to see something is not quite right and probably my anxiety is part of the reason why I eat more than I should and probably the reason of the inflammation of my joints.

I decided that I'm taking a trip to the place I consider my home. I will go and visit my dear friends and attempt to complete the last 100 miles bike ride of the year. I got my plane ticket, it is going to be fun.
Yesterday I rode 70 hilly windy miles as a training, it was hard but this helps me to focus in something other that all the drama. Today I rode another 30.  I am moving forward, I can't get stuck in the same place. I need to move forward.

Tired in a good way

It was a perfect weekend not only because I was able to ride both days and because the weather was beautiful but also because I had a conversation during my Saturday ride with a friend that made me realized and appreciate that even thou Alex has a brain disorder and she's been thru a lot she is still trying to one day graduate from college; it is hard for a "normal" person to do so and I can only imagine my daughter's struggle trying to keep up and I admire her for that. Another highlight of my weekend is that Banana had a bike crash and cracked her helmet; her sister (Alex) found a ride for her and took her to the hospital, I was fixing to get ready and drive over 3 hours there  to see how she was doing but Alex did a great job keeping us in the loop and that was awesome, I made sure to tell her I was very thankful that she was there with her and for her. Banana was released and thanks God, no broken bones or major injuries, only a concussion, needless to say... it was very scary.  I prayed to God for serenity and strength, time seemed to stop until I was told that she was OK. A friend told me that I used up a lot of adrenaline with Banana's issue and that's why I was low in energy during today's ride. I still had a great time. Rocky's eye looks great and he is already wanting to go with the other dogs so I finally slept on a bed in the actual bedroom :). I am very tired... but in a good way.