After work I took my bike and met with friends at 6:30 pm. It was a beautiful afternoon with an unusual 65F and no wind. I felt good, nothing hurt and even my friend Joel said that I was on a roll last night because I was laughing and joking around, it's been a while since I was like that... I remembered me. Wheels rolled down, the wind hitting my face but there were no tears this time like my New year's ride. I love riding my bike I can't stressed that enough. Later during the ride I caught myself thinking about Alex again "what if... she doesn't recover? she falls again? she kills herself?. STOP, just STOP!!! Tonight it's about me, I need to be OK to help them (Alex, Banana, Jeff, my parents and my 3 dogs)". I looked a the pack and kept peddling. We were back around 8:25 pm at the parking lot, put up my bike and went to get Alex at her AA meeting. On our way back she said that she saw her ex-sponsor, Marylin told her that only she could help herself. Alex told her that she was not an alcoholic that she didn't get in trouble or anything... I didn't do anything illegal she said. GULP! my heart shrunk again; it was my turn to talk; I saw you... you were out of control and you don't remember what you did. The fact that you can't stop means that you have a problem but you have to accept that you are powerless against alcohol, I can't do it for you. I accept that I am powerless as your mom to do that for you and it is my decision not to enable your behavior because this I can control. We got home, she came out of her room and ate, she asked me if it would be ok to go to the zoo the next day and I said that I don't have a problem giving her money to do that with Banana (her little sister who is 18 years old)... Alex is 21 years old and doesn't have a job so we pay for her medical bills and expenses. Anyways... I had a great ride last night! for some reason I didn't have pain on my hands, knees or back, it was a great ride, thank you God.
No comments:
Post a Comment