Slowly but surely

Between blurry memories, work and spending time with my other kids (my 3 dogs) time passes. My head hurts because I'm trying not to cry during the day but sometimes I just do. I look at pictures over and over and I can't believe he is gone. I must accept it... I KNOW. "It is what it is" somebody says. "He had a good life". "He is with God now and pain free"... yeah I KNOW and I wish that could easy my pain. It will get better, I just need time... just give me some time. I haven't really had time to stop and be by myself and cry, my sister told me I need to stop crying so he can leave and rest in peace... "let him go" she said. I just miss him. He was funny and that is an understatement, he was hilarious!!!. He was 80 years old but in my mind I didn't look at him as an old man, he seemed so full of life; the cutest little old man in earth :) I have pictures of him as a baby, he was like a little angel with these big old blue eyes. I talked to his sister today, my aunt. She seems to be doing ok unlike my mom. My dad was 18 years older than mom, yup... he was 34 and she only 16 years old when they met; oh but make no mistake, she was and still is a spitfire :) when they got married, she wore a knee length BLACK dress during the church ceremony, maybe the Padre was hesitating between doing an exorcism or a wedding.. oh yeah and she was only 16; talk about a rebel LOL. They were married for over 47 years and in every picture together you can see how he adored this woman. Today mom went to see the doctor and explained to him that my dad passed away, the doctor responded: "don't worry, you will join him pretty soon", mom laughed and afterwards when she got home she cried. My oldest brother had to go to the hospital (again), I believe he is still in shock but I really don't know what's wrong with him, he is out of there now thou and hopefully for good. I guess we all have to go thru the motions until we make peace with what happened and regain the will to keep going. Jeff asked to me last night if something happens to me, if I'd like my daughters to stop living, of course no! I said. Once again he helped me to put things into perspective. Slowly but surely I want to ride my bike again... slowly but surely I want to smile again because my dad will be always a part of me and he is closer to me now than before.