Back to square one?

Last Monday I was looking forward to go to a NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) support group and even thou it's been raining and I don't like driving on the rain  I made it :) I figured I need to learn more and the last time (and only) that I went to this kind of meeting I couldn't deal with it, it was too overwhelming for me because I realized that that time that the brain disorders are a life journey, yeah it is for life. I sat down in the back (of course) and a smiley guy put a huge book in front of me, he asked for my name and wrote it down on a card that he placed in the table right in front of me; hmm very interesting I thought; an older lady told me that we were going to talk about the brain and then it hit me, I ended up going to the family to family education program... Oh God. Was it the wrong place at the wrong time or the right place at the right time? Everybody seem to be eager and happy to be there, so I stayed. Oh the bliss of ignorance. A young lady sat next to me and introduced herself, she inquired about my loved one with the brain disorder and I was very short. She said that her mom attempted 2 times and had severe depression and dad was drinking himself to death to void the situation. The class started, everybody read part of the book, the instructor went over each part and talked about specific cases and situations. He explained the parts of the brain and how they work, he also said that alcohol and drugs destroy the cells. Several times he expressed the importance of taking care of your brain with diet, exercise and of course staying away from drugs and alcohol. The lady next to me said that this guy's 21 year old son had been about 30 times in the hospital...  so the 1 hour meeting turned into a two and a half hour training. I noticed that I was massaging my hands and that I got the chest pain again, oh boy it's anxiety. I wanted to go home and I was very hungry, my brain was wondering. At 9 pm it stopped... everybody got up and started to mingle with their smiley faces. I headed to the door quickly, the young lady was walking right behind me: "I'm not following you I'm walking to my car" I tried to smile and say something but my voice broke "I don't think I'm prepared for this yet" I said. She told me to give it another chance, that it helps. I said good night and got inside my car and cried but it was more like a scream. On my way home I had a chance to think better, I'm going back next week.