Forcing myself

After work I had to sit down and meditate because my heart started racing with the thought of going back to my second session of the NAMI Family to Family Education Program. I know that this is opening new doors for some stuff that I rather not to know but I promised myself that I was going back, I had to force myself to go back. I love my daughter and I need to know what I'm against to. I sit in the same chair and open the big book on Class 5, it read "Problem Solving Skills Workshop". As an exercise we had to write 5 problem statements and then read the top 2, mine were that Alex had stopped taking her meds and that she tries to hurt herself when she is depressed. The instructor picked a case of a lady that has a severely depressed husband, so depressed that he doesn't get up from bed. Everybody participated helping to identify the real problem; the lady's "top problems" ended up not being the real problem but her emotional perception of it. Seeing how to look for the real problem without emotion gives you a new meaning of the situation and provides you with more ideas how to attack it... I got to say that this time I didn't get tired, bored or hungry only overwhelmed again not only because it is a lot of information but also because once again I realized that this is for life and it is not going away just because I ignore it. I like that at the end we pray and that the instructor's voice feels that he is talking straight to me and then I know God is with me, I can feel it.  After the session I called Alex and asked her how she was doing, she was very short on her answer, I told her that if she ever feel sick or bad just to call me. I reinforced how much I love her and that I was here for there.