I've always said that my daughters are my weakness. I love them so much and since they were born I promised to myself that I will protect, love and take care of them for always. These last weeks have been awful, I still think I'm doing better than before in the way that I'm handling the situation. Alex was finally suspended again from college, just for the summer (I think). She called me crying, she said that she couldn't handled it then she said that she didn't care any more; she sent me a text one day me around 3 am asking me to find a permanent hospital because she was done with the outside world. Everything I said is "we love you and come home" but she doesn't want to come home, she wants to stay over there and that I cover her expenses. The hard part is not sending the money after she begs calling me mommy or telling me that she is done... the truth is that I can't afford it, it's not that I don't want to but I know in my heart that the most important reason of why I should stop saving her is because I need to stop enabling her. I told her that she needed to get a job if she wanted to stay there... so she did. She works in sales for a big electronic retail store, I know she is very good at that. It makes me very happy for her and I hope this will give her the sense of purpose that she needs. The drama took maybe a little over a week but I put my foot down and said no, I'm sorry I can't and at the end she did what she needed to do to take care of herself. This is a good lesson to me to learn that I can't fix or control everything.
My mom came to visit us and stayed a couple of weeks. I had a chance to make amendments and let go of some stuff that were holding me back. We celebrated Jeff in father's day, he is not my daughter's dad but he has been so good to them and the kids (our 3 dogs) that it feels just right, even Alex sent him a text. We had our little luau party in the backyard :)
Today I went to the Al-anon meeting, the topic was about living the life that we choose to live and be happy no matter what the situation we are in. I liked that... I can't change how others behave but I can change myself. I can be more forgiving, tolerant and accept others the way that they are. I can't change my Alex but even thou I'm going to be there for her I can choose to live happy just for me one day at the time.
