For some reason things seem to be changing for good. Since Alex's diagnose, I have a different way to see her illness, I can feel hope inside me growing; she is staying busy working, taking care of her bills and working things out with the school, I think she is finally out of probation and she will be able to enroll for the next semester. Mom had a surgery, it was very scary because she "didn't want to wake up", I told her that I didn't know how much I love her and how scared I was to loose her like my dad. She is out of the hospital now and going back to normal. I've been feeling very grateful as well, I was reminded in many ways and by different people of good things that I've said or did... it makes me happy to know that I can touch somebody. Today at work I received a random hug :) I like to think that I'm likeable, somehow I feel lovable today. Banana (my young daughter) tells me that I'm fantastic and that I'm stronger that I think I am, she is so sweet. Last night I had a dream that my dad was visiting, he really wanted to tell me or show me something important but the dogs woke me up; I rushed to try to go back to sleep but I had a hard time. When I finally went to sleep, the second part of the dream was very sad, I remember a lot of rain and I wasn't able to find dad in there, it felt that he just had died. In the morning I felt frustrated because I couldn't finish talking to my dad in my dreams. I miss him very much. The weekend was EPIC, I was able to be a ride leader for the first time with my friend B, who is going thru some hard stuff at this time. She is a great lady but I think she doesn't know how wonderful she is. I can sense regret, a bit of sadness and fear. We talked for a while after the ride, I think she will find her strength deep inside and she'll keep moving forward, she is a trooper, a warrior and that's why I've always liked her.
